THE PAINTED CANYON

Ugh, I’m so tired… Do I really want to drive to Palm Springs today? It’s so hot outside. I’m going to be sweating bullets. Maybe I can just wait until next weekend? I have so much laundry. These are the thoughts Lis has on a lovely Sunday morning.

I manage to gather all these thoughts and flush them all down an imaginary toilet. “There will not be any procrastination today! Get your ass up and go!” You make think this is crazy and maybe a little schizophrenic of me, but this is how I do things. Mini-morning pep talks and a cup of tea, that gets my wheels turnin’. I manage to get myself out of my morning trance and leave. It takes about 2 hours to get there from from Los Angeles. The drive there is monotonous to me, but this is probably due to the lackluster scenery and the drought. When you arrive to the town, it’ll remind you of a cheesy, early nineteen eighties, horror movie. An abandon gas station, a barking dog on a chain, and a tumbleweed dancing its solitary dance across the unpaved back road is what sets the scene. A forest green sign accompanied by an arrow leads the way, and we’re almost there guys… or so we think. First of all, make sure you have a 4-wheel drive vehicle because the road isn’t paved, and there are a fair amount of potholes. It’s extremely dusty and arid like the Atacama.

 Just kidding, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little about that part, but it is extremely sooty and dry. With that being said, make sure to bring plenty of water and dress accordingly. You will not have cell phone service here as expected, so do the intelligent thing and let someone know that you’re going out there. I did the not-so-smart thing and told no one.

The mucky and desolate desert is like nothing I’ve ever seen. The three-mile drive to my final destination was a bit frightening to say the least. Why you may ask? There were no other cars there, and the barren area of land stretched out for miles upon miles. While you’re driving you can see the massive canyons all adorned with beautiful shades of browns, greens, reds, and faint yellows. This I have never seen before, and catches my eye. The road comes to a dead end, and I finally arrive to the Painted Canyon. As I step out of the car, I stand there and just admire the deserts beauty. I grab my one bottle of semi-cold Gatorade and start walking. (Crunch, crunch, crunch) is the sound of footsteps on the bedrock as I briskly make my way there. I stay alert, and am fully aware of my surroundings, as my car was the only one parked which led to me to believe that I was alone. I pray this isn’t the case, but my gut is telling me that it is. (Crunch, crunch, crunch) The sun shows no mercy on me or any other form of life at this location. (Crunch) I stop and look at the sign to my right. Hmmm…

It doesn’t tell you where to go? I decide to stay on the path and not stray away since I didn’t see an arrow on the sign. I heard a sound that emitted a bubble noise. At first, I think it is a grackle and search for him. I climb a boulder and get a better look at him, and I realize my friend is actually a raven. He is just as curious about me as I am about him. He studies me, cocking his tiny head to one side and calling out to me “bubble, bubble.” I can’t help but laugh and try to mimic his call back to him. Maybe I am delirious? Who knows? It makes my trek most interesting though. He flies in circles above me, and keeps calling out to me. I imagine him saying something along the lines of “We don’t like your kind around here; Get out while you can!” I say my goodbyes to my newfound friend and carry on. Little did I know that he would be the last life form I would see. I walk about a mile and a half before arriving to the first ladder.

I eagerly take my first step and realize quickly that it was wobbly, and I need to be cautious. I step off the ladder and walk briskly to the next one. I continue doing this and admiring the views with each step. It’s mid-afternoon, and we’re experiencing a drought so the colors on the granite rocks are not as colorful as they usually are, but I see hints of olive green and yellows, and the occasional lizard here and there. I walk to and climb six ladders before getting to an old wooden one. The wooden ladder is not in good shape, and as I step on the first step it shows no mercy and breaks. I take this as a sign and turn around and go back. I’m so hot, and notice that I have consumed nearly all of my now hot Gatorade. The way back is more difficult than I expected, since the ladders cannot be trusted. Make sure to get a good grip and hold on to the rocks on your way down. Go slow and watch your step, as there are many rattlesnakes on this trail. Thankfully, I didn’t see any. (Crunch, crunch, CRACK!) As I look down startled I step on a rock that shatters in a millions pieces and to my left I find a lizard’s carcass. That’s how dry this place is. I keep telling myself “You’re almost back, move those grasshopper legs!” I finally make it to the spot where I found my raven friend, but he is gone. You’d think I’d be sad or would’ve looked forward to seeing him, but I wasn’t. All I could think about was getting back and drinking a gallon of water. My mouth was so dry that it literally felt like I’d been munching on chalk all day. I was happy that I had reached this mark though, for that meant that I was halfway there.

I come around the corner and what do I see? A giant arrow made of numerous rocks that I had completely missed and had walked straight passed. This particular arrow was supposed to take me to the distinct canyons that I so anxiously was hoping to see. I feel like I’m slowing dying, but manage to muster up some energy and follow this trail. I’m so curious to where it will lead me. You have to climb some pretty high and large boulders, but when you arrive it’s stunning.

It makes everything worth it. It reminds me of a hobbits secret hiding place, whatever that means. I have never seen anything like this before, but alas I’m losing light. I manage to capture some of its beauty. The different shades of browns and shapes of the rocks are so unique. The earth is sandy, and there isn’t as much granite in this channel. There is shade here and it allots me a breather or two, so I get brave and climb more ladders. The ladders on this trail are more sturdy and reliable. The trail is more beautiful and overall safer. With every step that I take, I am desirous for more. This feeling I get is all I need to keep going. The landscape stays the same, but the views change a little. I opted to go back as it was getting late, and the last thing I needed was to be stranded in the desert all by my lonesome. I climb down both sets of ladders, and over the immense boulders and (crunch, crunch, crunch) back at it again, imprints of my footsteps in the granite/sandy debris.

      Small puffs of dust leave my sneakers, and all of a sudden Mr. Bubbles (the raven) appears. “Bubble, bubble” He is circling above me, and guides me back. I wonder how long he’s been following me? Or was I going mad due to lack of water, food, and sleep? Mr. Bubbles finally finds a rock to perch on and watches me walk away, and before you know it I see the main entrance sign and I’m back. As soon as I get to my car I pop the trunk, and all the ice in my cooler is melted, and I have three hot blue Gatorade with my name on them. I chug them down. Gatorade has never tasted oh so good! I look out into the canyons in the distance, and am not only glad that I decided to do this trip, but also find a new appreciation for the desert and its solitude. Overall, I give this trip a seven out of ten because you kind of have to figure things out. There are no maps, and it can be highly dangerous if you’re not prepared. Go in the morning, and bring a friend. I don’t recommend that you do this trip alone. You have no cell phone service out there, and won’t until you drive out of the reserve. Bring plenty of water and a couple of snacks just in case, and most importantly be safe and don’t try anything silly or just plain stupid. The desert is no place to mess around. With all that being said… It’s a beautiful experience that everyone should have. So go out and venture! Until next time!!!